blog – Page 46 – LaToya M. Davidson-Perez

Sometimes Doors Close

Published on October 24, 2013October 27, 2013 by LaToya M. Davidson-PerezLeave a comment

I wrote this poem about someone whom I really loved. He once loved me. However, we missed the window of time when we may have actually been able to have a great relationship. Instead, we remained in each other’s lives until a friendship turned pathetically into a very unhealthy friends with benefits situation. I hate what the friendship/relationship became but even now I can think of him with love and fondness. I know never to go down that road again but I am happy that I felt the love that I feet for him.

This poem is about when we became more than friends. I felt that the timing was perfect but for him so much had changed. I was blind to it but I crossed the very line I never intended to. Looking back on it now it’s good that in that case Another Door Closes. Sometimes things are never meant to be what you thought it could or would be. However, I treasure the experience, I treasure the way that I felt for him in that place and time, and I even now treasure the heartache that I needed to experience in order to be where I am today. I will always love him, and that’s okay.

Not Quite, Almost

Published on October 23, 2013October 27, 2013 by LaToya M. Davidson-PerezLeave a comment

This poem is about someone whom, had I been sane, I would not have gotten involved with. Better yet, it was the circumstances that were quite crazy. There are things in life that you tell yourself you will never do. Honestly, never say never. I really think that sometimes we must err in order to make sense of things. I used to be so critical of the actions of others but when I came off the soapbox I realized that I too struggle with some of the very issues many of us do. In this particular case I got involved with someone who was supposed to be completely off-limits. I made excuses, he gave me plenty of them, and I made it okay in my mind. I knew it was wrong but in the moment none of it seemed to matter. Again, we justify our actions so that we can sleep at night.

Almost speaks to my heart’s yearning at the time. I really wanted to move past my divorce. The feelings of not being enough and self-loathing persisted even five years after the ink had dried on the divorce decree. This “relationship” almost caused me to become fully unravelled but that’s where my BFF shines, he’s always there to keep me on the right track. I think fondly of this poem and now that I can look back at that period of my life and be okay knowing that it’s behind me, I’ve come out stronger on the other side. We almost do any number of things in life. We almost get married to the wrong person, we almost actually marry the wrong person, we almost fully admit to ourselves that it’s sometimes okay to be human.

Feeling Alive

Published on October 22, 2013October 27, 2013 by LaToya M. Davidson-PerezLeave a comment

Today’s poem, Alive, is one I wrote over six years ago about someone I had a crush on. Mum’s the word. I have never disclosed who this poem is about but one or two people may be able to guess. At that time I’d been divorced for over three years and although I didn’t feel ready to be married again, I had been really crushing on this person. Now, years later I wonder what I was thinking as I have changed and that person has remained frustratingly the same. Okay, let me correct that, he is still the same person I had the crush on but the things that annoyed me about him have only been amplified with time.

I must admit, there are still moments where my mind wanders off but I know in my heart that this was and would always be just a crush. This crush provided a great respite from the depression cloud that I lived in prior to and after my divorce. He provided me with moments of longing, feelings that I thought were lost forever. It’s good to have a crush every now and then. They can help you through periods where you feel completely unattractive. A hint to his identity, though I’ll never admit who he really is… In the poem I talk about sharing a moment. Yes, we did in fact share a moment but I was too naive to realize it at the time. Like I said, it all turned out for the best. I’m just happy that in having that crush I didn’t become so cold that I wasn’t able to allow love back into my life.