Cinco de Mayo: Red Sticker Day

Believe me when I say that there was no part of me that wanted to depart from my bed today. It’s a beautiful Friday, which I can now fully attest to since going to my office and pulling open the blinds. However, yesterday was a doozy of a day in its entirety and it resulted in what I call a red sticker day. Getting out of bed today was like waking up to a hangover, not quite fully equipped to embrace the new day.

It appears that before I get on with my day I have to get all of this or as much of this as I can out. It’s been no secret that I have struggled with depression my entire adult life. I have always been plagued with insecurities and feelings of being, at times, inadequate. My mid-to-late 20s were marred by a series of extreme highs and lows. My BFF, Barry can certainly attest to the internal turmoil that I dealt with on a constant basis. Lovingly he’d say that for someone as smart as I am, I could be and do some really stupid things. Most of that had to do with my choices in men and in accepting anything that was handed to me when it came to them. Those insecurities manifested or were a manifestation of what I dealing with or avoiding internally. Continue reading “Cinco de Mayo: Red Sticker Day”

When Does it Become Enough?

Alas, it’s another sleepless night. Here it is, after 7am and I have not yet found sleep. On a regular day, you certainly wouldn’t find me anywhere near waking up at this early hour. I think back to my days as a cadet at Georgia Military College, having to be up extremely early for PT and wonder, how did I manage that?! A different time, a younger LaToya.

The day started off well. I enjoyed afternoon tea with my mother, sister-in-law and 6-year-old niece. But since it was early enough in the day, there was still plenty of daylight left upon my return home. With my hubby spending the night with his Trini friends (overnight trips are encouraged since they enjoy drinking and most get togethers aren’t really my thing), I stayed home with the hopes of doing something, anything productive. However, I found that all I could muster yesterday was about an hour in the office. After picking up something to eat I came home and decided upon finishing up the last half of the current season of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Yep, it was definitely a binge kind of Saturday. Despite dozing off during moments of the final episode, upon getting up from the couch and putting things away, I found myself wide awake at 2am. Unable to sleep I decided to watch all the missing back episodes of Life or Debt. If you’re in a debt crisis or simply need to be scared straight, it is a really great show to watch. Unlike the approach that Jon Taffer uses in Bar Rescue, Victor Antonio is stern but compassionate. But don’t be fooled, if he needs to really get under your skin and into your head, he does. Continue reading “When Does it Become Enough?”

Life or Debt

I can’t sleep. It’s an issue that has gone from comical to disheartening. My husband and I both have issues with telling the other no. So, when it’s time for us to both get some sleep we stay up instead to watch more television. Inevitably, he falls asleep before 2am and I’m left with, my nightly dose of what I believe are medications to help me sleep, insomnia. Last night was going to be different, I was sure of it. I’d put in a few hours of work and was deliberate in logging off of the computer by around 10:30pm. With my hubby still ironing in the living room, I curled up in bed and continued to entertain the thought of starting to read a novel. It has been months since I’ve picked up a book and I feel the longing, the calling of the comfort that I used to feel while reading a good book.

Instead, I grabbed the remote and watched television. It wasn’t too long before my husband was in the bed beside me and we were watching television together. It’s a bit of an addiction, really. We have X1 from Xfinity and quite honestly, there’s always something to watch. After watching Veep and Last Week Tonight with John Oliver we watched an episode of Bar Rescue and then when I should’ve turned off the television and follow my husband into slumber, I still wasn’t tired. I tuned into what has become one of my favorite shows, Life or Debt with Victor Antonio. Parts of me enjoy the show because my hope is that I’ll get to that magical moment, that breakthrough that I need for us to take more seriously getting ourselves out of debt. Continue reading “Life or Debt”