Today’s poem, Alive, is one I wrote over six years ago about someone I had a crush on. Mum’s the word. I have never disclosed who this poem is about but one or two people may be able to guess. At that time I’d been divorced for over three years and although I didn’t feel ready to be married again, I had been really crushing on this person. Now, years later I wonder what I was thinking as I have changed and that person has remained frustratingly the same. Okay, let me correct that, he is still the same person I had the crush on but the things that annoyed me about him have only been amplified with time.
I must admit, there are still moments where my mind wanders off but I know in my heart that this was and would always be just a crush. This crush provided a great respite from the depression cloud that I lived in prior to and after my divorce. He provided me with moments of longing, feelings that I thought were lost forever. It’s good to have a crush every now and then. They can help you through periods where you feel completely unattractive. A hint to his identity, though I’ll never admit who he really is… In the poem I talk about sharing a moment. Yes, we did in fact share a moment but I was too naive to realize it at the time. Like I said, it all turned out for the best. I’m just happy that in having that crush I didn’t become so cold that I wasn’t able to allow love back into my life.