Finally Letting Go, My Serenity Prayer

The early morning fog and its inevitable subside speaks to my life as it is today. Today is a momentous day. I have a great deal to be appreciative of. The thing is, while ordinarily, I’d want to crawl back into bed during some of life’s challenges, I am proud of and humbled by my actions today.

I’m not perfect. And I’m not a saint. Regardless of my actions, I own them. Today I said goodbye to making excuses and feeling bad about the things that I could not change while being courageous in changing the things that I can. For over a year (actually, a great deal longer but passively so) I have attempted to navigate trying to become a version of myself that wasn’t truly me. In doing so I had to finally let go of a person whom I loved in my life. It’s as they say, some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. And that isn’t to say anything bad about the other individual, it is to affirm that the life lesson has been learned and it’s time that we both moved on.

Continue reading “Finally Letting Go, My Serenity Prayer”

For Every Beginning…

There must be an ending. I realize that the last time I posted to my blog was back in April, an entire 5 months ago. A lot has happened during that time that seemed to meet its conclusion today. It has been a chaotic time, as life tends to be. And the recent downturn is one that I can trace back to late 2013, early 2014.

I’m depleted. Emotionally. Physically. But I’m not defeated. The past several years have been difficult as I have tried to adjust to being an independent contractor full-time. Having worked in a W-2 position for the majority of my adult life, the transition has been a bumpy one. In hindsight, I should’ve given far more consideration to choosing this path. I ultimately don’t regret the choices that I’ve made, but there are indeed still moments of pause. Continue reading “For Every Beginning…”

It’s Not Me, It Really Is You

It was like being sucker punched. The air left the room, and I was in free fall. Over the past several months I have been trying, without success, to be friends with an ex. I’ve devoted my past few blogs to the experience. I thought that if I could overcome the issues of the past, resolve my latent feelings, that we’d get to turn back the clock to before he solidified his place on the ex-list.

I had convinced myself each time that it would be different, that he had changed. Over half a decade had passed since we were involved. We’d both, on the surface, moved on with our lives. And yet, we found ourselves still enamored. Rather, I can only speak for myself. He still had a pull over me. I fell back into old habits, my walls and guard were down. With him, it always was. Easy. I was naive and trusting. I thought nothing of his actions in the past that had led to our initial parting of ways. He’d caused a fracture in my life that took me some time to overcome. And yet, all these years later I mistakenly thought that I was strong enough to endure an attempt at being friends. Continue reading “It’s Not Me, It Really Is You”