My Life at 40

Yes, it’s true, I’m now the big 4-0. I wish I could blame my recent sleepless nights solely on this point, however, I cannot. Believe me when I say that there was no joy, no excitement in turning 40. Sure, for some it’s just a number, and in the grand scheme of things that’s true but it is a milestone birthday. When my husband called me one minute before midnight I whined about not wanting to be forty as if I was a child not wanting to go to my bed, afraid that there would be something that I would somehow miss.

This isn’t the 2020 any of us expected. Many of us looked forward to what we thought would be a banner year. There was just something sexy, new, and at its onset alluring about 2020. And yet, 2019 decided it would only go kicking and screaming. Now, with my birthday only a few hours behind me I suppose it’s as good a time as any to reflect on this past year. A defining year that ushered in such changes that life will never again be the same. Continue reading “My Life at 40”

At War With Myself

I feel like I’ve been at war with myself. The old me fighting and losing to the person that I am today. I suppose it’s just life, you reach points where you feel exhausted by it all. You long for the time when you were younger, free of responsibility and care. Then too, that view may be distorted, thinking that it was a simpler time. It also was. As the saying goes, if I knew then what I know now… I’d be in a much different place mentally and physically.

Alas, the look back is always much rosier than it actually was. However, when you take the time to consider what our youth was like, who wouldn’t want to return? For me, it’s more than nostalgia. I still miss my grandmother and others that have since passed on. I think of Jamaica and consider the joy and the sadness of my time there. As it stands, I believe that I’ll likely only go back to Jamaica one more time in my life. That chapter of my life is mostly closed. Continue reading “At War With Myself”

Sleep Depravation Genius

For the past two or so weeks, I have been struggling with sleep deprivation. It was in this depraved state that I realized that I should probably only drink one can of V8 +Energy and do so as soon as I wake up. I am apparently a lightweight when it comes to caffeine. The same equivalent to some energy drinks and just shy of the equivalent of a cup of coffee, its 80mg keeps me too wired. Maybe I should just do a shot of it each day since the 8 fluid ounces is too much. With less than 3 hours of sleep, I present the following for your consideration.

They say that “Nothing good happens after 2 AM.”

And when I say they, I’m really just referencing the season one episode of Have You Met My Mother by the same name. Unable to sleep, my mind was racing. However, it wasn’t in the way that I expected. There was a flow of creativity and excitement that I haven’t experienced in quite some time. I often ask myself, “what do I want to do when I grow up?” I get it, I’m knocking on the door of forty, and I still haven’t nailed down what truly gets me out of bed in the morning. Currently, it’s the need to pay bills. I’ve been working mostly non-stop since my teens, and I feel exhausted. However, it’s time to enjoy making the donuts! Continue reading “Sleep Depravation Genius”