Category: blog

I don’t want for another day to pass without posting. The past few days, maybe even a week, I’ve had a lot going on. In addition to doing the 24-Day Challenge I’ve also had to deal with some personal medical issues. I’m not at all sure why it seems that the winter months are always my worst but I do my best to soldier on. The thing about my medical stuff, consciously I don’t give it much thought. No matter what procedure or diagnosis I simply say, that’s life. I really wish that I could be that way about more things in my life. However, I think that my OCD prevents it.

I wanted to post today’s poem before I retreat into the world of homework for the day. So, I’m doing my personal post and then will spend the rest of Sunday working on homework. Since deciding finally and again that this would be my last semester in academia I’ve certainly been second guessing myself. The truth is, if I didn’t have to pay for school I’d probably finish what would have been my sixth degree. But, there are a number of personal and professional projects that I need to do and that I’m excited about that necessitate me no longer doing classes. Even now, as this semester nears its conclusion, my mind is beyond the material. I’m glad that it’s at its end as I am ready to move on.

Today’s poem is one that I didn’t necessarily write about any particular person. However, given the poem’s composition date I do know that I was influenced by a guy. Of course. It’s about me, where I was at that point in time. Fantasy is about how tired I was of life, how frustrated I was in love and just how unhappy I was. I know that we sometime feel as though nothing is going right in our lives and question why we’re here and why we must shoulder the heartache of living. But I assure you, things do get better.

The past few days have been a little crazy. I’ve not been able to stick as diligently to my daily posting schedule as I’d like. However, I’m hanging in there. Yesterday, as it’s now 1am. Sigh. Yesterday I had to go to the doctor due to a persistent medical issue and despite not feeling stressed about the visit itself, I know that subconsciously I was not myself. My moods have been really crazy as a result. Regardless, I’m hanging in there. School, yes, still in classes, it’s coming along. While I was able to work ahead in one class I’m technically behind in another. Given my decision to stop taking classes after this semester I’m simply trying to find that last burst of energy and drive to earn A’s in the courses and more than likely call an end to my academic career.

The poem, Fairytale is rather short. I believe I wrote it some time in 2007 and it is about what I would have to think at this point, certainly given the number of poems I’ve written about him, was, next to my husband, my greatest love. At least, that’s how it’s billed in my mind. In fact, the vast majority of my poems are about him. We’re almost at the point where we’re at the poem that bares his name. Anyway, this is another “first time published” poems. It only has three stanzas and as it says in the title, I had hoped to have had my fairytale ending with him. In retrospect, I’m really glad things turned out as they had because now I’m with the person I am meant to be with.

I realize that I wrote a lot regarding the person who’s in reference in Face Value. I truly loved him. I think that we all need that one big disappointing love. At least, people like me who clearly love writing darker poems. I re-read these poems and I’m instantly taken back. Fortunately there’s not the pang of it all. I can look back now and appreciate it for what it was and am able to look back at that girl who wrote them and admire the foresight in putting it all on paper. I don’t want to forget where I came from, the experiences that make up who I am today. It’s important for us to express the way we feel during various points in our lives. It reminds us, upon reflection, that things do get better. It puts everything into perspective, really. The person I was six years ago seems like someone I may have known a decade before. I only hope that at some point I will be able to write about other things, other less depressing things. Until then, I’ll enjoy looking back at the person I was through the eyes of a much wiser LaToya.