When life gets crazy there are a number of things that are left by the wayside. For me, it’s my 600+ emails in my personal email box. Sure, I’ll take a look at the ones that seem to be immediately important, thanks to my iPhone and Postbox notifications, but outside of that, they pile up. My moods have dictated the state of my inbox. However, you can look at the state of my inbox as that of the current state of my life. I immediately do the things that absolutely have to be completed, and then I put off whatever it is that I can.

I wasn’t always such a lazy person. But I have become this way as life has begun to really wear on me. I think that as the pounds have also creeped up on me more and more that hasn’t helped either. I’m not so vain that I’m not willing to share my weight. As of today I topple the scale at 248 pounds! Yes, you read correctly. I may not be too vain to reveal my astonishing weight but I do tend to stay out of the mirror as much as possible. My face, to me, looks like it’s been made swollen by bee stings and why is it that I have to pluck facial hair that now mysteriously sprout on my chin?! Much of my weight is attributed to the long list on medications that I’m required to take. Yes, required. Without them I’d be far more suicidal than most, my headaches would return and I would need both sinus and brain surgery again. But it certainly doesn’t help that all the foods that I’m supposed to avoid are the only ones that I eat. Dairy. Pasta. I love you.

It’s a daily struggle. Life is a daily struggle. Next month will be the first where there will be a noticeable shortfall in our income. So much so that for the first time in my adult life I will have to default on a few bills. Maybe default is a harsh word, I’ll be again putting off paying some of my medical bills and am hopeful that I can coax myself into a better mood in order to put in as many hours as I can. But, as I struggle with depression, it’s anyone’s guess as to whether or not I can hold it together long enough to make any real progress.

I’m hopeful that I will be able to lose some weight and get my energy and drive back up very soon. This week I’ll be doing the Body by Vi Challenge. Yes, in the past my hubby and I tried the Advocare Challenge but this time we’re doing this challenge with my sister-in-law and father. Let’s hope that with the added group support we’ll be able to collectively lose the weight we need and that it’ll get us on track for healthier living. Plus, after waiting months on the Soylent backorder list, we should be finished with the Challenge in time for our first shipment. I’m in the process of convincing myself that if I simply get my hubby on board with when my exercise time is supposed to be, then we’ll both do it. He’s been working nights on his present rotation so he’ll thankfully be home during the time that I’ve scheduled myself to workout. Fingers crossed.

So, on to today’s poem. It’s another new-to-you. This is about the strongest person I know, now my only living grandmother, Mama.