Maybe it’s just that time of the year or the month or even the week. I try to be diligent in how I title my posts and so I was a little surprised that 3 years ago yesterday I titled the post, “It’s Been One of Those Days.” Like that post all those years ago I am experiencing money woes, issues with the hubby, and just feeling worn down. We all have days like this. I’m now becoming better about tracking them using my Period Tracker Deluxe app. I’m all about useful apps! What I hope to deduce is if, despite having a hysterectomy, I am always going to have one week in the month that I’m simply going to be moody. If that’s the case I can better prepare for it.

Today Kenrick and I had our first consultation with our new doctor. Our new doctor is my mom’s, dad’s and brother’s doctor. You know we’re all about keeping things in the family! It was an odd visit though. In order to save time I simply brought all of our medications with me in a bag. I couldn’t make the bag discreet considering the long list of meds we both take. Actually, it was mine that primarily filled the bag. It was frustrating. My medication regime changed a bit in recent years but rather than taking less I’m taking more. The majority of them are medications that I can’t do anything about. And now that I’ve found an anti-depressant regimen that works, the more stable I am within wreaks havoc on the outside. At least half of my medications cause weight-gain. So not only is it hard to lose weight, it’s almost impossible. And unlike individuals who don’t have to take a litany of pills, the odds are not in my favor. The doctor was blunt. “You need to lose some weight, and you have to do it the natural way.” Another way of looking at it is, you either get off your other meds so you can take a weight loss pill or you just have to figure something out. I know that I didn’t get fat overnight but I look at photos of myself from just three or four years ago and can’t help but to long for that weight. And don’t get me started on looking back at photos in my earlier 20s. I know that I can’t look backward, that I must move forward, but for someone who doesn’t like to do anything in the kitchen and who doesn’t eat large amounts of food, it’s just another cherry on top of a forbid sundae.

I confess, I’m a little scared. I am seeing our bank account drop to dangerous levels and am simply afraid that I won’t be able to deliver on what I feel is my portion of our livelihood. I’d grown accustomed to being the primary wage earner and even though I don’t mind my husband now making more than me, I just want to pull my own weight which, as I mentioned above, is more than it should be. I’ve been working on a project for a client whom, although I’ve enjoyed seeing what I’m capable of, is not likely to compensate me as I should be. I’m not giving up hope, don’t think that I am, I’m just feeling a bit dismal. Like I said, it’s just one of those days. To add to my annoyance was in receiving a separation notice from Dollar General that stated that I “left voluntarily without notice.” Yes, it bothers me that they used the word “without.” I assure you, that I was sure to give notice. It was almost immediate notice as I took the time to email the District and Regional Managers. I wrote, as I’m known to do, a mini epistle on why I felt that was not the place for me or anyone else.

Tomorrow promises to bring a great many things. I have three telemeetings and still have a list of tasks to complete regarding my name change. When I got married in 2000 all I had to do was call credit card companies and others to make the change. Now, so many require you to also submit your marriage license. It’s not that I mind, it’s just irritating. It’s a good thing that I have both e-fax and traditional fax capabilities. My desk looks like a pigsty. It is not at all me. But I’m also not yet finished with cleaning up the “moving in” mess that I keep mentioning. Sigh.

Well, tomorrow I am hoping to be productive. I know that if I can get myself in a “I need to get things done” kind of mood then things will improve. Until then I’m going to curl up in bed, do a little bit of leisure reading and then go to bed. Yes, tomorrow will be better. And writing, as it always seems to do, writing this post has made me feel less unhappy. That’s the thing about writing, at least, for me, writing is something that gives me joy. I look forward to it. And to have even that, I’m grateful. I may not be the greatest writer or have thousands of followers, but what I do have is the simple joy I feel when I think about expressing my thoughts via these words. And the funny thing is, although I compose my posts on a computer or on my iDevices, I still write my poems on sheets of hotel stationery and sticky notes. I think that’s quite interesting.

And here’s another thought. When I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office there was a report on their television stating that reading printed text is much better than reading it on a screen. That is to say, you don’t retain as much if it’s in digital form. I think that the study had to have included more people who were born in earlier generations because it is my belief that as we shift to more digital content and that being the primary delivery method that the results of the study will change. In the report they talked about the feel of a book and the connection one feels with it. I think that I feel the same way about my iPad. It’s my preferred method of reading. But who knows. Maybe hundreds of years from now things will go back to the way it was and that there will be a demand for the printed word rather than convenience of the screen.

Today’s poem, Unfulfilled. Ah yes, don’t we sometimes feel like this!