Insomnia

I currently have the tune to Rihanna’s song Disturbia stuck in my head. The thing is, I keep hearing the word “insomnia.” I’m still really bad about pushing through the effects of my nightly sleeping medication. I should be a lot better about it but I’m not. I’ve already played a few games on my iPad Mini and have done some reading. However, rather than being able to drift off to sleep like my husband did hours ago, I’m still awake. But of course, now that I’m in front of my computer my eyes become droopy and the bed is more alluring.

The past few days have been relatively pleasant. Outside of the spats that the hubby and I have, I’ve been feeling very productive and happy with life. I’ve even decided to use an app to track my moods. Having had a hysterectomy it’s not as easy to tell when to expect my week of productivity each month. I also hope to more accurately be able to tell when my mood is off and make note of what may put me in a certain mood. It’s important for someone like me who often struggles with depression. And now that I’m trying to work from home full-time it’s even more important for me to remain focused and productive. Once I get in front of the computer I’m fine. However, it’s the seemingly long journey it seems to take for me to get there. I love sleeping in. Thus, the earliest I usually hop on is around 11am. I’d like to change that.

So, about my day job. The last time I made a post I mentioned that I decided that Dollar General was not the right fit for me. It still isn’t. But what is becoming more and more appealing is something that I’ve had since 2011, my administrative services business. In the past week I’ve become more interested and motivated in making it my “day job.” The thing is, I’m very particular. I have very exacting standards of work and I can occasionally be a bit set in my ways. Thus I find that I’ve always most enjoyed being responsible for my work output. I know me and I know that because I tend to be a bit of an Alpha, I really enjoy working alone. Don’t get me wrong, there are things that I enjoyed working on in a team but I relish my opportunity to show just what I’m made of. I’ve completed a few jobs just in the past month or so and am hoping to be able to find a more permanent position as someone’s virtual assistant so that the additional jobs and projects I pick up can simply become more of supplemental income than anything else.

Just this weekend I was hired by my very own BFF to do his LinkedIn page and create an online résumé. I was in heaven. I thoroughly enjoyed the project. I love that even in using tools and resources that I am very familiar with, I get to learn and do something different. As a result of that job I further expanded my LinkedIn profile (I’m now an All-Star) and am doing research into more free résumé building sites that I may decide to use in the future. I’m also going to be doing my parents’ LinkedIn pages and résumé so that when the show others they’ll be able to also say, “Oh yeh, my daughter does this type of thing for a living.” Let me tell you, it’s crazy to sit in limbo, being propped up by all my student loan debt and college degrees and still be searching for what I want to be doing. That is to say, no matter how educated you become, there is always a degree of self-doubt and questioning. I’m still even reconsidering finishing up the Associates in Business Administrative Technology that I’d started two years ago. However, cooler heads have prevailed in that matter and it’s now back again on the back burner.

I’ve been applying to a number of opportunities on Elance and have been even considering reaching out to a friend of mine with his own small business for advice and mentoring. Also rattling around in my head is the thought of documenting the nuggets of my research as blog posts so that others can learn from it as well. Although I’m sure some may say that I should make money off of that too. A former friend of mine is also a small business owner but despite having known each other since childhood, we are no longer on speaking terms. I’m trying to decide if it’s something that can be repaired or if it’s just one of those things that should simply be left alone.

I recently missed submitting my article for publication. If you don’t already know, I have a bi-monthly column that runs in the local paper in the town that I used to work in. I’ve still continued writing but when I got sick two weeks ago, I forgot to write my article. Most times I try to put both in the can ASAP. However, I also go through periods of simply not knowing what to write about. I also had become accustomed to the editor sending me the occasional email reminder. Regardless, it was my oversight. Since then I’ve penned my next article and have begun writing the next two. I hope to have them both completed by the end of the week. This way at least my May articles are ready to go. I wish that my periods of creativity was more consistent. I go through periods of droughts and floods. Right now I would definitely say that it’s a flood. With those articles practically writing themselves in my head and others formulating, I’m hopeful that I won’t be running behind again any time soon. I’ve also been thinking more and more about my novel or novella. I’ve not yet sat down to write any more of it but I think that I’m much closer to figuring out just what approach I plan to take, which POV to write it in, and so forth.

I’m excited about the future. My husband finally has a job that he enjoys and that pays an acceptable wage and I’m looking forward to growing my business. I just don’t want to become too discouraged in pursuit of the job that I believe will make me the most happy as a result of the strain of making enough in order to make ends meet. I’m still retaining my librarian certification and my ALA membership. That was and in many ways, is still a large part of who I am. The skills I honed over the years are largely due to my work in public libraries. And while I can’t really see myself in them again, I’m also not saying that I’ll never return. For now, I’m just going to enjoy the peace that I presently feel and take advantage of the drive to succeed completely on my own.

Today’s poem, Silence. Enjoy.

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