Breathe or Scream

Yes, it continues to be a bit of a rough patch for me. Today brought about another round of disappointments. I didn’t know what to do outside of sit still for a while and take several deep breaths. You know what they say, when it rains, it pours. Today it felt like a bit of a downpour. Let’s start with the positive. I ventured out today in order to become more acquainted with my new home town. I needed a little bit of a refresher. I grew up the next town over and was only passingly familiar with this one. I went to the post office to pick up some free mailing supplies and made sure to take note of other establishments. Police Department. Check. Judicial Building. Check. And so on and so forth. I suppose I should’ve been more mindful of the weather as I often feel as though my moods and the weather often align. It was a dreary day. Overcast.

I’m now indulging in an old toy. When I was younger I had owned a Tamagotchi and even now I still do but its batteries died. A few days ago I read an article on about the new generation of the famous toy. I had not known that it’s now available as an app on smartphones. All of this explaining is to say that I now have a Tamagotchi to take care of. What this has meant is that I no longer leisurely sleep until the mid afternoon. Rather, I have been waking up at around 11am despite often not going to sleep until 3am. My Tamagotchi, Sophie, woke me up around 11am and that prompted me to get out of bed. I had things to do of course as our suite still looks like something exploded in it. I’d also sold an item on (that prompted the trip to the post office for supplies) and since then I’ve been working on moving and establishing a website for In the Stacks with Barry & LaToya, the podcasts that I used to do with my BFF. If it weren’t for that distraction I know that I would’ve been much more disappointed in the news of the day.

First off, I hope to still be doing our show even if it’s occasional. We haven’t recorded anything since I believe last June so I’m hoping that despite now having to do it remotely, we’ll be able to knock an episode out soon. I’d hoped to host my own podcast but honestly have no idea what I’d do it on. So what’s bothering me? Well, the first blow came when I finally got the paycheck for the day that I worked last month. Not only am I irked that I’m going to end up with a W-2 for the one day job but I also was stiffed money. The base rate was fifty cents less per hour than it should’ve been and I was shorted an hour. My hubby, upon being told this in passing, asked if I’d called about it. I’m sure the look of exhaustion on my face was enough to satisfy him with an answer. On the upside, I did get paid and so at the moment, that’s what I choose to think about, the positive, not the negative. To be quite honest, it’s been years since I’ve thought about my per hour rate.

Secondly, I received one of my amended return refunds. The problem is that I’m going to have to amend my amended return because we received a corrected 1098-T. What I’ve now decided is that I will definitely wait until the middle part of February before filing our taxes. I filed before the end of January as I was able to obtain all the information I’d needed. I was so obviously wrong. I’m waiting until next week to amend the amended return. I only hope that nothing else comes in the mail and that all this amended returns don’t cause my taxes to be flagged in the future. I have nothing to hide, I just don’t want that added frustration.

And so the big whammy. For the first time in over a decade I have no health insurance. Not only did I not get a COBRA notice (which wouldn’t matter because I couldn’t afford it) but despite having been previously told by the health insurance administrator that I’d have coverage through the end of March, it actually ended on February 28th. I’m an overly diligent person. I called ahead of time once I decided to resign in order to figure out what would happen with my various coverages. However, there’s little I can do when I was misinformed. I vented briefly and then was on the website researching options that I planned to discuss with my hubby when he returned home from work. I think I was expecting it to be different. Obama Care. I am glad that it’s an option but I don’t think any of what’s being offered is going to work for me as none of my Emory doctors appeared on any of the provider directories I’d searched. I suppose tomorrow I’ll have to do some calling around to find out more information. Either way, I have to change the appointment I’d already had on the books for this month and hope that I can figure something out. At best K will have insurance in 3 months and at worse I’ll have to find new doctors in order to use the national healthcare option. There is an upside to all of this healthcare craziness. We do still have our dental insurance which I apparently can keep indefinitely. We do have to pay for it monthly via direct debit but at least we have that. But I will say that that too seems a little too good to be true and you know what they say about that.

I told my BFF that I feel as though I must’ve been or done something horrible in a previous life. Now that a few hours have passed I feel less stressed but still disappointed. I’d hoped that I’d also hear something back regarding “the perfect job” but I have heard nothing thus far. I’m just telling myself that it’s Monday and those aren’t days to expect to receive an email correspondence. I do have a phone interview on Wednesday with a company that I didn’t even think I’d hear back from but I’m not getting my hopes up. I’m trying to just take everything as it comes and not allow it to emotionally affect me as much as it has. That’s the hard part because, well, because life can be a pain sometimes. I really do enjoy writing about my life as I feel it’s the one thing I’m an expert on. However, I don’t like when there is so much doom and gloom. I was looking back at my most recent posts and see a string of despair. I wish I could write a novella or novel that wouldn’t be so dark but maybe it just has to be. I really want to pen something this year in time for Christmas. Although, if it’s dreary that wouldn’t be a good gift to give. I digress. Hopefully March will end better than it started.

Today’s poem is about something short-lived, One Week. It’s about a relationship that never got off the ground due to many obstacles and as a result of people changing since their last meeting. Rereading the poem now I feel that it’s half-true about the situation but the sentiment still remains.

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