Optimism

I don’t know how it is that I always seem to allow so many days to go by without writing. It’s not from the lack of having nothing to say. Rather, I often think of so much to say when it’s 3am! I’ve taken up the very bad habit of not going to bed until almost 4am. The past couple of nights, once I’ve put my Tamagotchi to bed, I have been playing my two favorite games on my iPad, Frozen Free Fall and Mystery Manor. I’ve also started reading. I have these moments where I’m a voracious reader and then go weeks without reading a book. I rarely go without reading articles on my People.com app.

About two nights ago, after putting in a few hours applying to various jobs, I looked over at my husband, who was comfortably playing Candy Crush on our bed. I told him, “I think I’ll get a job this week.” He paused, looked up at me and said, “What makes you say that?” I told him that I just had a feeling. I mean, for all I know this could just be the beginning of month two of twenty being unemployed. But I felt that this last batch of jobs I applied to online with yield something. Last night, okay, in truth, this morning I went to bed with the thought that I would be awakened by a call from a potential employer. I was surprised that I was correct. In fact at around 10:30am my phone rang and sure enough, I have an interview tomorrow. It’s a temp agency that’s staffing for its sister facility. It’s the very agency that I had my first post-library job interview with. At the time it was for a benefits coordinator position but it’s owner said that she saw me more the right fit for a different position in IT. We’ll see how it goes. During this time of unemployment I’ve learned to not get overly excited. After all, I now knows what it feels like to have a job for one day and then being told I was overqualified for it. I am not going to dumb down who I am and what I can do just because I make someone feel threatened or inadequate. Besides, I didn’t amass all my student loan debt for that!

The past few days I’ve done a little unpacking here and there but for the most part I’ve been sleeping. That’s what happens when you stay up watching television, playing or reading until the wee hours of the morning. I keep wanting to start writing my novel. But I’ve not been very good at heeding my BFF’s suggestions of simply writing. I always feel like I have to be inspired by something, pushed. I saw my site and looked at the last date I posted and thought, hmm, I think I have some things to say. This was done after writing my next two articles for the paper I contribute to. It must be true about what they say about Venus needing to talk several hundred words per day. When I have done that much writing I’m not at all chatty with my hubby in the evenings. I can’t really tell if he prefers it that way. You know, me not interrupting his Crush time.

So, for those who don’t follow my professional writing blog, this week’s article is about being uninsured. It was a surprise to me because I foolishly thought that it wasn’t going to happen. I thought that I’d beat the odds and that I’d be employed and insured by now. My upcoming article is based on other recent revelations. It’s about looking at life in a positive light even when people and situations cause you distress and pain. Sometimes I think that it’s my writing that has saved me. I look at how frustrating life is and how much joy I get in writing about it on my personal and professional sites. It gives me a sense of purpose. I trick myself into believing that what I am saying makes some difference to others. That’s despite me not truly knowing how many people really read what I say. Sure, I see the site stats and know the number of followers I have, but it takes on new meaning when, as in the case two days ago, a person who reads the print version of my professional articles, sent me an email telling me that she enjoyed my writing and hoped that despite my recent move I’d continue to write for the paper. The email was maybe four sentences long but just that was enough. People underestimate what it means to take even a moment of their time to reach out to someone. Even if they’re just saying a few words, it’s the difference between self-loathing and ecstasy.

Speaking of reaching out to someone, I’ve been very neglectful of my grandparents in Jamaica. These are the very people who are engraved in the person that I am today. I need to practice what I preach and give them a call. So, until next time, here’s today’s poem, Over. It’s about wanting to believe in something and someone but only being met with pain and rejection.

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