Procrastination

It wasn’t until noon before I rolled out of bed today. I woke up several times when Kenrick woke up to go look out the window for snow. He’s like a child sometimes. He keeps me young and leaves me without questioning what it would be like to have a young child. The remark is certainly not meant to be taken in a negative tone. My husband has this child-like quality about him that is often quite endearing and yes, at times annoying. I love that about him.

I was hopeful that today would’ve been a productive one. Although I made progress in getting some TLC I didn’t quite get as much done as I’d hoped to. I didn’t do as much unpacking and “work wrap-up” as I would’ve hoped. The thing is when it comes to unpacking I’m just not fully in the mood. Not all the furniture is in the places I would like it to be and so I’m presently using that as a legitimate excuse as to why I’m moving at a snail’s pace. When it comes to “work wrap-up” I must admit that I am simply not motivated because there is still a lot that I need to do. I have been so fully embedded into the lifeblood of the library that untangling and documenting 12+ years in a short period of time just doesn’t interest me. I suppose mentally I had checked out the day of my hysterectomy and never checked back in.

There have been real moments of despair. I maintain that my brain is in full support of us leaving Milledgeville and Eatonton behind (I did previously mention that we accepted an offer on our house, right?) but my body has not been as cooperative. There have been many panic attacks over the past few days. I accept that this is normal but it has been difficult nonetheless.

The job search is still moving along. I’m not sure where it’s going really but it’s moving. I have been diligent in applying for at least 3 or more jobs each day. On some days I feel as though I’ve applied to 20 or more. Last night in addition to setting up the bedroom with all of its furniture we did get my office in a state that it can be used. So I have my all-in-one, monitor and the rest fully operational. We’re set up in my brother’s bonus room which is quite massive. The bedroom portion has vaulted ceilings and the office portion is… It’s a fantastic set up, believe me. It’s spacious and feels quite homey. I am looking forward to us getting fully settled but don’t feel like there is a rush to do so. My desk sits under a display of 4 of my brother’s guitars. It’s quite artistic and I requested that he leave it as it is. I’ll of course be filling the rest of the office space with my Gone With the Wind memorabilia.

Today’s poem… well, this one is about a person, Levi, whom caused me somewhat arguably the most amount of pain in my life. We went to college together and after many years we reconnected. There was instant chemistry that culminated in what I felt was the best weekend I’d had in my life to that point. It was everything and nothing. He was everything and nothing. It was chaos and horror rolled into one. It was one of those true learning experiences. I was smitten and so full of hope when it came to him. Looking back now, with the heart and the mind of someone who was paying attention to the learning experience, I know that life has a funny way of reminding you of what it is to be human. He recently reached out to me again despite him having remarried and having another child. He hasn’t changed. I have.

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