I cried again today. Only for a moment. With our move on Monday looming it was finally time to get started with packing up the life I’d created in my home for the past 8+ years. After speaking with my mom who was insistent that I had no time to lay around in bed I curled up to my hubby and cried for a moment. He asked if the reality of it all was setting in. I nodded and allowed the tears to run down my face and settle on his shirt. It was a moment of weakness. I’m sure there will be others.
Kenrick has been really great about everything. I couldn’t ask for a more supportive husband. While I’ve been wistful in my actions he’s been Gung-Ho about it. Ditching our original plans to each work together in packing up each room I sent him to the one room that I often joked was there for decorative/ornamental purposes, the kitchen. I come from a family of wonderful cooks. I am not and have never aspired to be one of them. I’m glad that Kenrick is okay with my lack of interest in the kitchen. I started my work in our home office. I carefully wrapped my Gone With the Wind collectibles and sought out other breakable items throughout the house. Our three bedroom home is less than 1,300 square feet and due to my OCD and love of storage containers the process seemed to be going well. However, after about an hour or so I was done. I was deliberate in not taking any medication to make it through. I was tempted to but I had stayed up until 4am this morning working on getting my new online and mobile checkbook in order and feared that if I took anything I’d crawl back into bed.
Despite my playing music from my recently perfected iTunes library It wasn’t long before I was missing the comfort of my oft annoying hubby. I say that with great affection. Kenrick drives me crazy. I’m neat, he’s messy. I’m meek and he’s loud. Okay, meek may be way too tame for me. I’m reserved and exacting. He’s the complete opposite. Where I’m meticulous he’s carefree. I moved my efforts to the living room. Ignoring the chaos that the house was now in I just tried to enjoy the little time we had left in it. I began packing up the entertainment unit and he brought me a glass of orange juice. He didn’t want my blood sugar to drop as it’d been some time since I’d chowed down on my Cap’n Crunch breakfast. He has a way about him. Endearing. Later in the day when I was again overwhelmed he came over to me and just held me.
I keep looking around at my house in shambles. It feels a little bit like how life feels at present. Although everything has a place, it just hasn’t made its way there yet. No room is fully packed yet. We keep telling ourselves that tomorrow we’ll get it all knocked out. I think that it will be more likely to happen since we’ll also have some help from my parents. They have been so supportive of us. I don’t doubt that there’s a part of them that’s thrilled that we’ll soon only be five minutes away from them versus almost an hour away. In recent years I’ve come to really love and value the family that I have. I’m glad that it didn’t take me losing them before I realized this.
So, it’s time for bed. I’m only hoping that I don’t spend too much time waiting for sleep to come. It’s hard to quiet my mind. I can only imagine when it’ll be before I can truly exhale. I just know that that time is not now. So, I leave you with today’s poem, Lament. I spent about an hour or two a few nights ago finally putting the finishing touches on typing up the last of my poems and matching them with what I feel are appropriate photos. Now I have no excuse to include them in my posts until I’m finished. To date I have 63 poems that I’ve written in my adulthood. I’m proud of them. They are all pieces of me and my experiences. I’m still hopeful that I’ll pen a novella this year. It seems even more likely given the change in jobs and a renewed sense of self.