The funny thing about life is just how often it can throw you for a loop. Just when you think you have things figured out it has a nasty way of saying, nope, don’t get too comfortable. Mere days off of a breakup I can’t help but to think about how
devastating these things can be. Regardless of who wanted to breakup or even the circumstances both sides are left in an emotional state of despair. At least, I assume he’s in despair, I don’t know for sure. You’re left in a place debating your self-worth and you are emotionally bruised and broken. I’m still in the phase where you think about the things that person did in the relationship. You know, the things that were cute when you first started dating, that became annoying after you got to know each other better, and that become cute and endearing when you reflect back after the breakup. The tough thing about relationships is the likely breakup that results from them. You have to put in all the time of grieving, analyzing and over analyzing what happened and what could have been done differently. Then of course there’s the beating yourself up over its demise.
I’ve always been a nester, thus casual relationships or flings are not in my vocabulary. This relationship was no different. Yes, I had dreams of again being a Mrs. (without actually changing my name again because to be honest, it’s over-rated and I really like my name as it is). I had hoped that 11-11-11 would be some special day (besides that of my BFFs birthday), and that this was it. Were things perfect, no, they never are, but I suppose at the end of the day there are certain things that can’t be overcome. I’ve been told that I am still naive and young in my view of relationships, thinking that love and commitment can conquer all. This is the first time where I think I may agree with the saying, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all.” Usually I’m of the mindset that loving and losing don’t make a pleasant pair. However, the breakup is still young as they would say and I’m making my way through all seven stages of grief. I often say that I wish I was Vulcan. They’re smart, logical, and would certainly not be so emotional, so human.
Life does kinda suck sometimes. No matter how much you try to stay on course there are always obstacles in your path. I find it so hard to understand the matters of the heart and can only hope that this grieving process isn’t a long one. Who’s at fault, who said what? I don’t suppose it really matters in the end. It’s simply over and you’re left to pick up the pieces. And sadly, sometimes those pieces are pretty big. It’s hard to not want to throw in the towel at times. Speaking as someone who has long suffered from depression I can honestly say that life is hard and breakups are the pits.
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