A Stepmother I Am Not (Light at the End of the Tunnel)

When my alarm went off at 7:30 this morning I was anxious to get out of bed. My motivation was because of the many things on my plate for today. Rather, I was ready to vacate the bed that I shared with the younger Perez. Let me explain. Last night, as we all got into our pjs Margaret suggested that she sleep in bed with me. To the outsider our sleeping arrangements may seem a bit precarious. Kenrick, who of course normally sleeps with me, sleeps with his daughters at their request and his desire. He so infrequently gets to be with them since splitting up with their mother that he drinks them in as much as he can when they are together. Each of the first two nights the threesome slept first in my now not so perfect guest bedroom on the full sized bed and then on a blow up full sized bed in my home office. It was only natural that night three would be different.

Prior to the girls’ arrival Kenrick had suggested that all four of us sleep in the master bedroom. Yeh, that wasn’t going to happen. I already don’t get enough sleep with just me and him in the bed, I wasn’t going to approve that suggestion. That’s what led to the alternate sleeping arrangements. The first night he was anxious to just be with his girls. It was quite a sight seeing all three crammed onto a full sized bed. I didn’t sleep well either if that’s any consolation was my thought. Each night thereafter sleeping arrangements were discussed. On night two Kenrick asked Margaret if she wanted to sleep with me. She flatly said no. I think we were all happy that night. At least, I was. Last night I was surprised at Margaret when, upon entering my room, she leaned on the bed and told me that she wanted to sleep with me. It’s hard not to enamored by the beautiful redhead. I remained quiet for a moment, hoping that she spoke in jest until her father came into the room and she announced her plans.

Upon hearing that and not to be upstaged by her younger sister, Anna asked if we were all sleeping together. I was again mum as I didn’t want to give the impression that I had any opinion that would sadden the girls. Kenrick came to the rescue and it was decided that Margaret would sleep with me and Anna with him. Sadly, that wasn’t meant to be. When Margaret fell asleep while we watched HSM3, Kenrick ultimately scooped her up and laid her on the blow up Aero bed in the office. Seeing her angelic face while she slept almost made me forget about her dumping Chex Mix crumbs in my hair earlier in the day.

Despite Anna saying that I was Queen of my domain that evening, that changed when she decided she wanted instead to sleep with her Aunt LaToya. I was reluctant. While they’ve been with us my singular peace of mind came in me being able to have my room to myself. Suffering from depression, and likely being bipolar, I need for at least a sliver of my existence to remain unchanged. Last night that changed. I wasn’t able to close out the new additions to our home. Instead, I was taking one of them to bed. Anna was still chatty at 11pm and questioned my nightly routine. I explained that I have a usual list of things I do before going to bed.

As I prepared to go to sleep she asked for a night light. Ugh. I took one from the hall way and put it on her side of the bed. The result of this action seemed to drive her closer towards me in the bed. Me wearing a sleep mask and ear plugs really comes in handy. Needless to say, I got very little sleep as I had Anna pulling the covers, her constant tossing and turning, and me thinking that we really should have had them take a shower after running around in the backyard hours before. I woke up this morning not quite refreshed as her feet were jammed into my side and I was clinging to the edge of the bed. She sleeps like her father, I thought.

When the alarm went off I was out of the bed within 3 minutes and hurriedly scuffled to the shower. Upon exiting the bathroom Anna was standing outside the door wanting to use the bathroom. She then wanted to chat. I of course was anxious to leave. I did. Is it wrong that I’m actually looking forward to my next sleep study on Thursday night in order to get some sleep?!

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