LaToya M. Davidson-Perez

It’s finally over. A decade in the making, it ended before it even started. In truth, the past several days have been difficult. The only thing that has kept me relatively sane is an emergency stash of meds. It has allowed me to numb myself in ways that I needed. As much as I love the euphoria, it’s not a place that I can stay for very long (not enough meds). I know, it’s arguably a coward’s way to deal with (avoid) some of the stresses of life. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Life is never as we expect it to be. And although some paths are clear, others are much more mired. For the first time, last week I admitted publicly (on my podcast) to have still been in love with someone from my past, wait for it, who isn’t my husband. What I will say before finally putting this to bed and burying it deep is that it’s been a mind-f@$k for a decade. I loved this person entirely and gave of myself freely. He was the one person I felt the most connected to on more levels than anyone else. For me, and apparently me alone, there was just something extraordinary. Odd I know, given the brevity of our physical interaction. All I know for a fact is that if someone is unwilling to tell you how they feel, are willing to string you along and play mind games, they don’t see or appreciate you for who you are. Their inability, to be honest, doesn’t make you less of a person, just a little bit more broken and worn for wear. Continue reading “The Last Heartbreak — The Death of Voldemort” →

How many times do we have to get knocked down before we don’t get up again? How many no’s do you have to endure? How many times must your heart break? I suppose I’m about to find out. Death, taxes, and pain. Those are the guarantees of life. Sure, sprinkle in a few other happy moments along the way. Those are few and far between and in many cases, they don’t sustain you during the times, the many times where life has knocked you down, drives over you, and then backs up again.

Am I surprised? Should I be surprised? Probably not. It’s the tale as old as time, oh, shut up Beauty and the Beast, this ain’t no fairy tale. You open yourself up fully to someone and then they’re like, “not today.” Well, not any day. Some problems can’t be solved. Some people will just never, some people will always disappoint you. I’m sure that there’s some law of physics that covers that. Continue reading “The Best Thing I Never Had” →

It’s been quite some time, I know. I have always felt that despite the often sad tone in my writing, I end each piece from a place of strength. I’ve struggled with that lately, rather, for months now and so my willingness to make a public post has not been a significant priority. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been on my mind. It’s even a part of my to-do list, I simply didn’t feel inspired enough to post, and there be a hopeful ending. I’m not sure how this post will end, much as I didn’t know that its beginnings would transpire today.

Like so many of us, there have been plenty of moments where I have felt defeated by life. Some moments darker than the next. I’ve struggled with feelings of self-worth and have often lamented on how unfair life seems to be. However, today, with my 80-something-year-old grandmother nestled comfortably on the couch in our living room, I write because of life’s simple pleasures. There sits the woman who helped to raise me, who is still my rock and guide and whose passing would undoubtedly have me unhinged for some time. Losing my other grandmother five years ago still weighs on me. I miss her and think of her every day. I am grateful and blessed to have had her in my life into my 30s. I know that many aren’t as fortunate. Continue reading “With No Known End In Sight” →