Category: blog

The past two days have been filled with ups and downs. I think that is par for the course. I’ve been angry and agitated and just plain tired. I have used quite a bit of my sick leave worrying more about the job that I’m now leaving than on my own recovery. I’ve still been experiencing some discomfort from it all and I only wish that the stress of my current professional life going up in a blaze of glory was one less thing on my plate.

So, the good news is that on Sunday our realtor came over and we now have a for sale sign in the yard and a lockbox on our door. I anticipated things moving slowly given the economy. However, due to where we live and I assume because our home is immaculate, the two people who have seen the house wants it. One is a renter and the other a buyer. So I assume that by tomorrow or Monday we’ll have an offer on the house. It’s exciting. It’s sad. It’s so many things that I can’t fully express. Whenever I think about work I start to have a panic attack. I hate when I have to resort to pills to calm me down. Continue reading “The World Keeps on Spinning” →

It was a bit of an off day. My husband and I were up until 5am working on job applications. We’re tenacious. We have to be. Our realtor rescheduled her visit but not in time for me to be awakened at around 9. I thought that I’d be able to go back to sleep but the drive to remain productive overruled and I have been up ever since. With the weekend upon us I thought about all the things that I’ll have to do when working from home this coming week. No matter how hard I try I am doubtful that I’ll have everything finished up in time. There is a lot of knowledge that is locked away in my brain that I’ll need to put in writing before I hang up my name tag.

When I’m done, I am finished with the life I’ve had for over a decade. We plan on moving so it really will be closing a chapter of my life. Not too long ago I sat in bed beside my hubby and for the first time since handing in my resignation I started to cry. There have been moments here and there when tears momentarily came but this time I started to bawl. I honestly didn’t think that I would at that juncture but I did. My husband held me and asked if I regretted my decision. No, I told him. I told him that our house will soon no longer be our home. Then the intensity worsened when, crying into his chest, I told him that I was scared about the reality of no longer working with my best friend. He rubbed my back, coaxing me to let it out. I cried a few moments longer and then regained my composure. No, I don’t regret the decision, I regret that the one constant in my life for the past 12 years will become a memory. Continue reading “Tonight I Cried” →

I woke up this morning in a panic attack. I liken it to the feeling of being under water and then all of a sudden realizing that you need to breath. My hubby rolled over and pulled the covers off me and the cold air jolted me out of my slumber. I finally fell asleep at around 5am and was awake before 10am. The attack lasted for a full 30 minutes. It was so bad that I had to contact my PCP and my psychiatrist. With a prescription quickly phoned in, I opted not to take it until later. With little sleep I didn’t need something that would take me out of commission. After all, it was a big day. I went to the office for a few hours. Seeing my boss so ostracized was difficult. Okay, really, he was in his office as he usually is but the tone was clearly different. With the news of our departure we quickly became the outsiders of a once tight-knit group.

I sat with him a while, comfortable occupying the space we’d shared for over 7 years. In the chaos of everything being with my best friend was calming. We reminisced about the past, virtually all of the current staff unaware of the obstacles we had to make it to where we are…where we were. It’s just time for a change. It’s just too bad that this is a road my best friend and I must go alone. Continue reading “Timing is Everything” →