Tonight I Cried

It was a bit of an off day. My husband and I were up until 5am working on job applications. We’re tenacious. We have to be. Our realtor rescheduled her visit but not in time for me to be awakened at around 9. I thought that I’d be able to go back to sleep but the drive to remain productive overruled and I have been up ever since. With the weekend upon us I thought about all the things that I’ll have to do when working from home this coming week. No matter how hard I try I am doubtful that I’ll have everything finished up in time. There is a lot of knowledge that is locked away in my brain that I’ll need to put in writing before I hang up my name tag.

When I’m done, I am finished with the life I’ve had for over a decade. We plan on moving so it really will be closing a chapter of my life. Not too long ago I sat in bed beside my hubby and for the first time since handing in my resignation I started to cry. There have been moments here and there when tears momentarily came but this time I started to bawl. I honestly didn’t think that I would at that juncture but I did. My husband held me and asked if I regretted my decision. No, I told him. I told him that our house will soon no longer be our home. Then the intensity worsened when, crying into his chest, I told him that I was scared about the reality of no longer working with my best friend. He rubbed my back, coaxing me to let it out. I cried a few moments longer and then regained my composure. No, I don’t regret the decision, I regret that the one constant in my life for the past 12 years will become a memory.

I do feel the grip of stress loosening. To be honest, I was a little relieved when it was all said and done. I was entering the new calendar year with a number of projects that had to be put on hold as a result of my surgery. There is now an actual end to it all visible on the horizon. I know I’ll have my moments, good and bad. But I know that I’ll look back at my time with the System and view it as successful. I know what I contributed and how that made things better. Not everyone can feel that or say that. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. Sure, there have been missteps along the way but as a whole I truly loved it. This is the first big “risk” I’ve taken in as long as I can remember and like any risk there’s a chance that it’ll be for an even bigger reward!

Today’s poem is actually one that I had stumbled upon yesterday and didn’t realize I’d missed. So I’m going back to the c’s for a moment. This one was also inspired by the same person referenced in yesterday’s poem. In particular Crescent Pines is about a major turning point in my life.

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