Author: LaToya M. Davidson-Perez

There are some things about the day that are fuzzy in my memory while so many others are clear. I remember where I was. I remember the way the air felt and the surprise at what I thought was a joke. It was Super Tuesday at Georgia Military College and my then husband and I were busy with our duties as we prepared new cadets for entry to GMC. I was 20 years old and even then my marriage had been strained. I wanted desperately to think that somehow a tragedy such as the one that was unfolding would bring us closer together. It did not. And although there are things that I can’t remember. I remember the feelings. The words transmitted over our walkie talkies come in and out of focus in my mind, but I definitely remember the sky, walking across an asphalted lot that is no longer in existence. Innocence lost.

This morning as I remembered where I was on the 9/11 I couldn’t help but to feel, for a few moments, the very way I did when I, in the twilight of my youth, that somehow the world as we knew it was ending. I’d never known war, I’ve never known what it meant to fear an imposing and sometimes faceless enemy. In those moments and during parts of today, it was again real. I don’t know what’s true, sensationalized or misreported when it comes to life in other countries. And having grown up in both the US and Jamaica, I knew and felt American pride in every fiber of my being. How dare they come and strike fear into the hearts of our people. How dare they take away the feeling of peace and tranquility. The feeling of ignorance now gone I see life much differently. Maybe 13 years have passed, and maybe we’ve in many ways returned to the way that we live, almost as if that day had never happened. But it’s on days like this where we remember. We remember. We feel. Life is much different and yet things are still the same. Politics be damned, no one should come into your home and make you feel unsafe. That is what happened and that’s what I’ll never forget.

It truly baffles my mind that I get so caught up in my job that I don’t make the time to write. All too often I’m in front of the computer for over nine hours every week day and there are so many thoughts that run through my head that I just can’t wait to write down. And yet I do. I don’t write them down. And so those moments of epiphany come and go, ebbing like ocean currents. It’s yet again almost a month since my last post. Each day I tell myself that I’ll make the time and I don’t. And so although there is a lot that has happened over the past few weeks, I’m at a loss to really express what they all are.

We again have my step daughters with us. For the first time we’ve had them with us for an extended period. It’s been interesting, now that my hubby and I live with my brother, wife and kids. On the one hand it’s been great to have the kids all together, and yet another to have the kids be unawarely subjected to the sometimes uneasy dynamic of the personal relationships inside the house. At times there’s as much drama under this roof as there is on the television show, Big Brother. But it’s been an interesting time. I work from home and with a new client added to my roster this week I have been all but literally tethered to the computer. Fortunately the girls are at an age where I don’t have to supervise them 24/7. But what I have learned or realized a lot more since they’ve been here is that I know that my decision to not have children was the right one for me. Sure, there are the few moments where it’s nice to see all the kids together enjoying themselves and their youth. But more often than not I look at them all (my step kids and my nephew and niece) and think, “This is exhausting!” Some of us just weren’t cut out to have kids. I think that I’m one of those people. Having step kids and a nephew and niece suits me just fine. Continue reading “I’m Still Here” →

I think that I’m finally starting to find some much-needed balance in my life. I have a job that I love and I get to be close to the family that I adore. It has been a bit harrowing for the past few months. I couldn’t seem to find the time to do all the things that I needed to do. At times I walked around like a zombie and like a hermit, I was always in my office. My nephew and sister-in-law show surprise when I actually surface from my room, go downstairs and join the land of the living. As I start to set more boundaries on what has been allowed to encroach on my personal time, I am finding that I am much happier. I use a detailed schedule to keep me on task and in doing so it has allowed me to find more time to complete the things I need to do. While I know that for some a schedule that dictates what you do virtually every moment of the day is restrictive, I find that it has given me the guidance and sticktoitiveness that I need.

My weekends are now free to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Two glorious days of not having a set schedule or an alarm is enough to relax from the stresses and requirements of the week. Last night I was in such a great mood that I was up until 4am this morning working on my websites. On Thursday I spent a good amount of my downtime again trying to decide if it was time finally time to again self-host my websites. I’d long ago convinced my family members that they didn’t need to do so. This is particularly true if you don’t spend a lot of time online and if you just don’t want to deal with the headache of having to update plugins. Sure, it does cut down on your ability to include ad revenue-making content, but in the grand scheme of things, if you don’t really need all of that then it’s not a big deal. Plus, as is the case with my hubby, brother and father, they have websites and own domains that they do nothing with. Why should I have to deal with updating all the truly unnecessary things that they may’ve added years ago?! Since I’m more active on the web this continues to be an issue of concern for me. Continue reading “Making Changes” →