10 Steps

I’ve been in a peavy mood since yesterday. It bothered me so much so that today was not as productive as I’d hoped it would be. Fortunately, there was nothing that I needed to do on my list that I wasn’t able to complete. It impacted me working a bit ahead. I was, however, able to make my post on my business blog (something I plan on doing once a month). It’s crazy when things get into your head and change your mood. It was one of those times when you get so upset that you can’t think straight, that you can’t accomplish anything. Yeh, today was one of those types of days. I was angry and hurt. I foolishly felt that all the time and years I spent in public libraries was an utter waste of my time and energy. However, like most things, it’s a matter of perspective. I had to calm myself down. Sure, I did have to do a bit of venting but I think I’ve mostly gotten it out of my system. For now. You know how these things are. You think you’re past something and then there’s this one thing that triggers the pity party all over again.

Did I mention that I have also been feeling a bit uneasy over the past few days and that the chill of the weather hasn’t helped? The winter weather is starting to rear its very ugly head. The past two mornings I have not wanted to get up to work. Our bedroom suite is located over the living room with the office being over the unheated garage. I have been chilled all day. In our massive room there is only one vent and even with the fans oscillating in the correct direction and the bedroom door open I’m wrapped up in two heavy fleece blankets and am wearing little booties. Needless to say, I spent a bit of time researching space heaters and purchased two on Amazon. I missed next day delivery by two minutes. So tomorrow I’ll be wrapped up again and Thursday will bring some much-needed relief.

Business is really picking up. As with any job there are things that I really love and others that I drag my feet about. On the upside I’m able to be more selective with my clients and work for a rate of pay that is much closer to what I’d previously been making while working in libraries. I miss the insurance benefits I had but a lot is to be said about being your own boss. It comes with its challenges. The biggest hurdle is in being disciplined. There are many days where you feel like just staying in bed and not walking those few steps to get to work. What I’ve found to be the most difficult for me is adjusting to not just working for one “employer.” As a contract employee you are likely to have several different clients. It can be a little frustrating at times and I’m not so much talking about working for different people, it’s in treating each client the same regardless of how many hours you get to work each week for them. It’s not uncommon for the client you like the most be the one to give you the least amount of hours or for a client you really like not being able to give you even more hours. I say all this despite having a very full plate. I think it’s the myth of job security that I’m most in fear of. One week I can be flush with hours and then another I can be worried that I won’t make my set minimums. However, I am happy with what is happening. I’m starting to work in areas that are new to me and I have repeat clients which keeps things pretty interesting. For my primary client we have exceptional rapport and so it makes most days fun.

I just finished reading a book at 3am this morning and am ready to start another. There are still many little things that I’d like to improve about myself. Bad habits to break. The usual. But I’m taking it day-by-day and sometimes minute-by-minute. So, for today’s poem. I wrote this for My Father on his birthday and gave it to him that day framed as well.

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