A Bundle of Nerves

Tomorrow is the big day. I’ve been going through training for a call center project that I have as an independent contractor and tomorrow is my first day on the phones. I hadn’t been very nervous until today. As the hours count down to my first shift I become a little anxious. I know that I am savvy enough to find the information I need when I need it. However, when trying anything new there is always that bit of apprehension and nerves that naturally gets the better of us. I’ve put in countless hours of preparation and tomorrow is it. Will it go off without a hitch? I’m sure I’ll fill you in on all the details.

I’m beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed. I have so many little projects that I need to complete and so it just makes me feel uneasy. I spent the majority of today not working. Correction, I spent it not working for compensation. Sure, I worked. I am almost finished with the months-long project of fully moving into the home we now share with my brother. I’d attempted to clean up over the weekend but in the end I only made a bigger mess than there had been before. But today, today was the last straw. I was tired of tripping over items in the floor and it was simply wearing on my OCD sensibilities. The room is almost completely finished. I even started in on my office. I needed to clear some of the physical clutter so that my mind and sense of being would also begin to clear. It did help. All I need to do now is stick to my schedule so that I can get everything done that I need to. Okay, maybe not everything, but I’d be able to get better control over all the loose ends that I need to tie up.

Several weeks ago I crafted a daily agenda and chores list. It has to be edited now but I’m on my way to finding that balance again. I’ve always wanted to be able to work from home and now it’s becoming a reality. It’s just sometimes hard to shake the feeling of wanting to simply stay in bed and take a day off. I don’t think I’ll realistically have that luxury for a while. I haven’t had a full day off in over a month but I also know that it’s not always going to be like this. I also know that I need to slow down. I need to be more deliberate in my actions and to not allow myself to become too caught up in the urgencies that really aren’t. I’m guilty of having my “squirrel” moments. Plus, I’ve allowed several of my email inboxes to get out of control.

Tomorrow is a new day. A day to approach life and all the things I have to do in it in an entirely different way. I aim to convince myself that the things that need to get done will be as long as I plan ahead and stick to the schedule. I’m still happy that I’ve decided to embrace this new path, but I do need to learn to be better at adapting to its new demands and its occasional headaches. Today’s poem of the day is Yesterday & Tomorrow. It’s the last on my list of poems on my poetry page, Melancholic Maladies. However, as I’ve written new poems that haven’t yet been posted, there is more to come.

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