I find myself in a horrible mood. I feel beaten down and a bit discouraged at the moment. I realize that not every day or even every moment can be a good one, however, I suppose I didn’t want to allow myself to have a bad one. When I woke up this morning I felt like today was going to be a good day. We’d received an offer on the house from the first people to see it and was awaiting what I felt would be an agreement to our counter offer and I had some very high hopes regarding a job opening that I allowed myself to get excited about. Now, well, all of those hopes and excitement has been dashed. Not only could the potential buyers not afford our modest counter offer (for less than the asking price but more than their initial offer), the job I’d hoped to get in my hometown was seemingly out of my grasp within hours of me having applied for it.
So, maybe it wasn’t the job I wanted. It was in the area that I wanted. I still have many pokers in the fire but rejection of any sort is still rejection. My hubby and I are moving regardless of us selling or renting the house. It only makes sense to be closer to family. And, theoretically there are more opportunities. There are so many jobs that are available that it’s hard for me to understand not already obtaining one. Now that the shoe is on the other foot I can’t imagine what it would be like to be unemployed for months or even a year. I was naive in thinking that I’d already have a job to come home to but the reality of it is much worse. Soon both my hubby and I will be unemployed. That’s just so very strange.
I’m hoping not to allow this mood to take me for too long. I tell myself that it’s just not the right time, that when it happens it’ll be right. Usually that works for me. It’s worked up until about an hour or so ago when I looked at the daunting list of things I still need to do before leaving the library as well as the thoughts of moving and the lack of finances. I made the mistake of allowing all the negative thoughts to take me while not also reflecting upon the good things. I can see how, without my meds, that this could impact me a lot differently. However, after an hour or so of feeling totally and completely bummed out, I again lift my head high, and allow myself to remember how much I love myself and how confident I am in my own abilities. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just a very uncomfortable time.
Today’s poem is quite appropriate. Despite all the pain and discomforts of life my hubby and I only pull closer together. For that, I am truly Joyful.