Same As Usual

It frustrates me when ‘regular’ people look at depression and those who suffer from it as a minor thing. I grow weary of being told, snap out of it. Yeh, like I never thought about that. If only it were that easy. I know it seems that those of us who

suffer from depression like to wallow in it but it’s not really a choice. It’s even more hard for me because when my major episodes hit, as they often do seasonally, my OCD ways give way to despair and so many things get left by the wayside. I’m generally a meticulous person but when my depression gets bad I allow chores to pile up and it’s like those Cymbalta commercials that say you have no interest in anything and you have to wind yourself up.

I have been put on a litany of medications from A to Z and they seem to work for a while and then wear off. I don’t want a magic pill, although Oxycodone is pretty close. No, I’m not addicted to the stuff, I’ve had to take it on a few occasions and must say that the euphoric feeling is calming and makes my moods better. I guess that tends to be the case with controlled substances. LOL. It’s difficult though, there are many days where it takes everything in me to get out of bed. What makes it worse is on the weekends. I often stay in bed, which I love, but it’s Sunday when I get in the mood to do all the things around the house that I had been neglecting. By that time I talk myself out of doing it for fear of exhausting myself for the work week.

I only hope that, being a self-motivator, I can get out of this slump soon. Even when forcing myself to do something I am now less likely to come out of my slump after engaging in the activity. I have a great guy who’s accepting and understanding of my moods but I don’t like being a burden and I don’t like that we allow each other to be crutches for one another. I need to find a fix before I get too far gone. Kenrick and I started exercising today and getting into a healthier and more active routine. I am hopeful that this new regime will help as the very last thing I want to do is to be on anymore medications. Off to take my night meds. Sigh.

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