Author: LaToya M. Davidson-Perez

I got the call today that my first day of work for the job I interviewed for last week is this Sunday. An 8-hour orientation. I approach this new start with very cautious optimism. After all, I did have a one-day job in a place where I thought that I could thrive. Now, I’m hoping that this new opportunity will be a pleasant surprise that I never thought it could be. My biggest concern is on how my hubby and I will now live on a severely reduced budget. I’ll be making less than a third per hour of what I had been when I worked for the library. Yes, I know, humbling. I’ll admit that I feel somewhat ashamed and embarrassed. It’s been very hard, being human again.

So, I am excited about the new opportunity but afraid of how the financial strain will take its toll on my life. Everyone knows that money woes causes relationships to crumble and moods to change. Until yesterday, for several days I had to deal with our suite’s over 90-degree temperature. I told my father as he installed a window unit air conditioner that it’s either being fat or being hot, I can’t handle them both. My mood was horrific. My family knows me, they get that I am typically a moody person. I’m very particular. I’ve always been that way. However, as the rooms got hotter, I became more lethargic and wallowed in my more annoyed sense of self. I was upset because I had things I should be doing and upset further because I had no self-motivation to do them. Continue reading “Cautiously Optimistic” →

Very descriptive adjectives, yes, I know. However, that’s exactly how I feel. I’ve been stewing for some time now. I suppose you could say that I’ve been stewing for months. I knew that I was no longer in a job or a place that I enjoyed and even in changing that there is a lot that I obviously still need to figure out. I’m just in a place where I’m utterly and totally unhappy. The heat doesn’t help. Much like dreary days hot days gets me even more moody as well as groggy and very sad. I feel like I’m withering away. I look back at the past month and a half and wonder what I’ve done with my time. Sure, I’ve but in many long hours applying to jobs, experienced the gut-wrenching pain of have a job for one day and I’ve even set up my first home server. But in the multitude of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and now over a month, I’ve felt my symptoms must be akin to being bipolar.

I’ve struggled with depression all of my adult life and it is now compounded by my increased weight (due in large part to medication) and decreased desire to do anything. I have moments where I’m in full productivity mode and then there is the vast majority of my time where I feel so beaten down by the reality of what my life has become. I try to remain optimistic but then I find myself laying in bed like every other day wishing I felt motivated to do more. My brother and I differ in this way. Like me he’s presently unemployed but unlike me he gets up every day and busies himself with things to do. Whereas I lay in my fortress of solitude feeling utter despair and an unwillingness and complete lack of desire to do anything. Continue reading “Angry & Annoyed” →

In the interest of being more productive I’m blogging today so that I won’t forget to do so later. Last night, once I was finally able to go to sleep, I slept from around three hours prior to my hubby returning home from work. I was then up for a few hours and went to sleep for another six hours. I’m still feeling a bit tired since my sleep schedule is off but I’m at least a bit more rested. I’m also still keeping my employment options open. While I will likely start working the retail management job that I was offered next week, I am holding out hope that I will also pick up some things via Elance so that I can earn some cash by doing some work-from-home opportunities. Ideally I’d like to work entirely from home but I know that there is a lot that goes into that. And although I’ve done a lot of the legwork and have a fully equipped office, it may not be something that I can do as my primary job. So if any of you out there needs a personal/virtual assistant, please let me know! If I could stay home and work full-time for at least $20/hr. I’d be quite happy.

My former house, wow, that’s strange to say, it’s now sold and everything has been paid for. As I mentioned yesterday, we didn’t really make much on the sale. We basically broke even. And while I’m happy that it’s done, I do wish I was able to make enough to pay down and pay off some bills. However, it’s just enough to carry us for about a month. So, me starting a job quickly is the utmost priority at present. While I am still at home I am planning on doing some other online activities such as culling my social network connections. More specifically, I plan on trimming my Facebook friends list as well as decide which, if any, professional affiliations I will maintain. In anticipation of starting back to work next week I have a list of tasks I’d like to complete at home so that I don’t feel as though I’m overwhelmed in any one area of my life. However, today I think that I’m going to try to get some additional sleep so that I can get myself in a position to be more productive as a whole.

Well, it’s off to get some additional rest. I think I’ll curl up in bed and do some leisure reading for a while and then take a still much-needed nap. Until next time, be sure to check out today’s poem, Push.