Those who know me also know that I’m a huge Apple person. I purchase and use Apple devices exclusively. Thus, today’s iPhone 6 release was not much different from all the others. Gone are the days of me camping out at the local AT&T store in order to be the first at the chance to get one in my hands on launch day. Instead, calmer heads prevailed and I pre-ordered my new phone and had it conveniently delivered to my door like an anticipated Christmas gift. But what made today much different from all the others was that as I sit here, almost 12 hours after getting the phone, it still sits beside me in its cellophane covered box, it’s recently purchased protective case sitting on top. I’d tweeted about the excitement earlier in the day when it arrived and I was still working on a client project. But then, once that was over, instead of surgically opening the package as has always been my practice, I set it aside neatly so that I could work on another project.

And although I was quite happy with that, I found that as the day stretched on and the hours I spent working on the project increased, I was experiencing a waning of interest and a feeling of sadness. I find that I spend the most time on the project that I earn the least. Crazy, yes, I know, but I think I’m understanding why. In general, it’s a project that once I’m finished with it, I’m truly finished. Sure, there are endless emails and annoying reminders, things that I’m not at all paid for that creep ever so much into the entirety of my day, but I always come back to it. A bit masochistically, am I drawn to simplicity and finiteness of it? Do I like the project only because it allows me to use as much or as little of my creativity and skill as I desire? Today wasn’t even a great day on the project. I went to sleep this morning at 4:30am, after one of my clients sent an errant Skype text.

I was up with tech support from India trying to figure out why a particular program wouldn’t run on my computer. Ultimately, watching them assess the crash logs and getting a small amount of sleep before having to again be up to work, I figured out the issue on my own. That was rewarding. However, I’m feeling a little uneasy in having had my computer open up to outside access for a while. My defenses were literally down. I turned off my security software because it keeps conflicting with Chrome and because I was so fed up with it I didn’t bother turning it on when I allowed someone to assist. And although I saw everything that they did on the computer, it is possible that there were things happening that I didn’t see. It makes me feel uneasy. However, the plus side is that I don’t keep much locally stored on my computer. Much of what I do is in the cloud and I use LastPass to keep track of my passwords and other pertinent details. I do plan on making some changes though, just to be truly safe.

And here I lament and the box still sits. My eyes, weary, my outlook a little down. I have a client whom I’m extremely fond of. He’s very charismatic and we are very similar, the only exception, he’s a great deal more successful than I. Yes, I know, who could’ve thought of such a thing! It’s quite infectious and yet, he’ll make comments that make me think that wow, what are you doing eavesdropping on my thoughts?! Basically, for as much as we’re all so different, we can be the same. I have been at a professional crossroads for months and although I get really excited about projects, I then lose interest. For whatever reason, whether it’s the lack of compensation, the lack of interest, I don’t know, sometimes I just lose that drive, right when it’s reached its euphoric limit.

And so the day ends and the new one is set right on the horizon and for the first time ever, not even my love of Apple got me to open the box that I’d longed for for so long. I ponder the deeper meaning of it all. How unlikely it is? How unlikely is it?