For My Own Experience Skews My Perspective

In truth, I borrowed the title of my post from the text of the book I’m currently reading. I’m a sucker for Grace Burrowes’ novels. Sometimes in life, we can’t get over but we must try to move past situations and people. As I drove to Milledgeville through the torrential rainstorm yesterday, I took an almost literal trip down memory lane. I admit that there were moments where I was driving from muscle memory. The dreariness of the day only further hampered my mood. Sure, I was going to see my BFF in person for the first time in six years, but before that, I had an additional journey that I had to make.

When I drive through Eatonton on my way to Milledgeville (because I still have my car serviced where I purchased it), I make it a point to remember the first home I purchased, everything that happened in my life during my years there, what has changed since then. However, I never drive to see it in its present state, I have to physically avoid the assured pang that I would feel by seeing my first home in any other state than I left it in. Alas, my roaring twenties through my mid-thirties were difficult. I devoted most of my life and time to a job and career that I walked away from and sold the home that I thought I may have lived in forever. I cared for a handful of people that produced a lifetime of pain. There remains an uneasiness when I go back. Fortunately, it’s not a trip that I have to take often.

Even at the age of thirty-nine, I feel that there are many experiences for which I remain relatively virginal. In the past week, I was able to see how some of my previous reckless behavior was not unique only to me. I will always also love another. This is no secret to my husband. But I have started to understand where my shortcomings were in the demise of that dalliance. What lingers is the sorrow in wanting it to be so much more than it was. The pain is physical, emotional, and at times nonsensical. And then I am reminded that I don’t want to be someone’s option forever.

I recently read this quote, “If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you’ll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority.” Alternatively, “there are three things in life that leave and never return: words, time and opportunities.”

Hate no one, no matter how much they’ve wronged you.
Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become.
Think positively, no matter how hard life is.
Give much, even if you’ve been given little.
Forgive all, especially yourself.

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