I’m Still Here

It truly baffles my mind that I get so caught up in my job that I don’t make the time to write. All too often I’m in front of the computer for over nine hours every week day and there are so many thoughts that run through my head that I just can’t wait to write down. And yet I do. I don’t write them down. And so those moments of epiphany come and go, ebbing like ocean currents. It’s yet again almost a month since my last post. Each day I tell myself that I’ll make the time and I don’t. And so although there is a lot that has happened over the past few weeks, I’m at a loss to really express what they all are.

We again have my step daughters with us. For the first time we’ve had them with us for an extended period. It’s been interesting, now that my hubby and I live with my brother, wife and kids. On the one hand it’s been great to have the kids all together, and yet another to have the kids be unawarely subjected to the sometimes uneasy dynamic of the personal relationships inside the house. At times there’s as much drama under this roof as there is on the television show, Big Brother. But it’s been an interesting time. I work from home and with a new client added to my roster this week I have been all but literally tethered to the computer. Fortunately the girls are at an age where I don’t have to supervise them 24/7. But what I have learned or realized a lot more since they’ve been here is that I know that my decision to not have children was the right one for me. Sure, there are the few moments where it’s nice to see all the kids together enjoying themselves and their youth. But more often than not I look at them all (my step kids and my nephew and niece) and think, “This is exhausting!” Some of us just weren’t cut out to have kids. I think that I’m one of those people. Having step kids and a nephew and niece suits me just fine. Continue reading

Making Changes

I think that I’m finally starting to find some much-needed balance in my life. I have a job that I love and I get to be close to the family that I adore. It has been a bit harrowing for the past few months. I couldn’t seem to find the time to do all the things that I needed to do. At times I walked around like a zombie and like a hermit, I was always in my office. My nephew and sister-in-law show surprise when I actually surface from my room, go downstairs and join the land of the living. As I start to set more boundaries on what has been allowed to encroach on my personal time, I am finding that I am much happier. I use a detailed schedule to keep me on task and in doing so it has allowed me to find more time to complete the things I need to do. While I know that for some a schedule that dictates what you do virtually every moment of the day is restrictive, I find that it has given me the guidance and sticktoitiveness that I need.

My weekends are now free to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Two glorious days of not having a set schedule or an alarm is enough to relax from the stresses and requirements of the week. Last night I was in such a great mood that I was up until 4am this morning working on my websites. On Thursday I spent a good amount of my downtime again trying to decide if it was time finally time to again self-host my websites. I’d long ago convinced my family members that they didn’t need to do so. This is particularly true if you don’t spend a lot of time online and if you just don’t want to deal with the headache of having to update plugins. Sure, it does cut down on your ability to include ad revenue-making content, but in the grand scheme of things, if you don’t really need all of that then it’s not a big deal. Plus, as is the case with my hubby, brother and father, they have websites and own domains that they do nothing with. Why should I have to deal with updating all the truly unnecessary things that they may’ve added years ago?! Since I’m more active on the web this continues to be an issue of concern for me. Continue reading

Working for the Weekend

It has been over two weeks since my last confession…oh, wait. So yes, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. June and July have seemed like a blur and I’m exhausted. I did get a wonderful little respite by going to Jamaica for four days. It’d been the first time in 3 years and I couldn’t believe it. It so moved me that my last newspaper article was about that trip. However, I’m now back and I’m exhausted all over again. I’ve not yet heeded mine or my mother’s advice and as a result my personal responsibilities have been unceremoniously shoved to the side. I keep scheduling myself for more hours with one of my clients with the foolish hope that if I make the money I don’t have to be as concerned about making sure that all my documentation is in order at this moment. However, we all know what inevitably happens when we just keep piling up things we have to get done. It’s like the literal inbox sitting on the shelf behind me. Each of the four trays are overflowing with documents that I need to file or get to. Add to that the tools that I use to keep up with my life has become another thing on the list of things that I have to do. I’ve been rearranging tasks in my online task management system and have even carelessly resorted to also making sticky notes. Word of advice, keep all of tasks in one place. The time it takes you to grab a sticky note would be better served by inputting into the system you routinely use!

My husband and I are also living somewhat different lives. I wake up an hour after he’s kissed me goodbye for work and by the time he gets home I’m still in a marathon session in my office. Now that I work 7 days per week and all hours of the day or night it feels almost as if we’re too ships passing. Sure, when he gets home he’s less that 5 steps away from me but he is also busy with his college courses and has an algebra tutor in the Philippines with means the 12 hour time difference ensures he has late night sessions. Last night I have no idea when he actually came to bed and had it not been for my waking up prior to him leaving for work this morning, I wouldn’t hear from him until he sent me a text at lunch time or when he calls me when he’s coming home. A co-worker of mine also expressed concern yesterday regarding how chaotic things seem at present for me. I had to regretfully agree with her. Continue reading