10 Steps

I’ve been in a peavy mood since yesterday. It bothered me so much so that today was not as productive as I’d hoped it would be. Fortunately, there was nothing that I needed to do on my list that I wasn’t able to complete. It impacted me working a bit ahead. I was, however, able to make my post on my business blog (something I plan on doing once a month). It’s crazy when things get into your head and change your mood. It was one of those times when you get so upset that you can’t think straight, that you can’t accomplish anything. Yeh, today was one of those types of days. I was angry and hurt. I foolishly felt that all the time and years I spent in public libraries was an utter waste of my time and energy. However, like most things, it’s a matter of perspective. I had to calm myself down. Sure, I did have to do a bit of venting but I think I’ve mostly gotten it out of my system. For now. You know how these things are. You think you’re past something and then there’s this one thing that triggers the pity party all over again.

Did I mention that I have also been feeling a bit uneasy over the past few days and that the chill of the weather hasn’t helped? The winter weather is starting to rear its very ugly head. The past two mornings I have not wanted to get up to work. Our bedroom suite is located over the living room with the office being over the unheated garage. I have been chilled all day. In our massive room there is only one vent and even with the fans oscillating in the correct direction and the bedroom door open I’m wrapped up in two heavy fleece blankets and am wearing little booties. Needless to say, I spent a bit of time researching space heaters and purchased two on Amazon. I missed next day delivery by two minutes. So tomorrow I’ll be wrapped up again and Thursday will bring some much-needed relief. Continue reading

Making Real Progress

In the past few days I’ve made a great deal of progress. Personally and professionally. So much so, I’ve been inclined to put 3 days of smiley face stickers on my wall calendar. For those who may not remember, I have smiley and frowny faced stickers to mark the extremes of my moods. I’ve struggled with severe depression much of my adult life and so I’m trying to assess if there is any pattern to my moods and if I can somehow be prepared to really take advantage of when my really good moods come around. Last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were phenomenal and this week hasn’t been all the shabby either. Actually, Wednesday and Thursday were also smiley days.

What’s changed? Well, I can honestly attribute a big part of it to finding some real order in my life. This actually is a result of Asana, no not the yoga pose, although it does sometimes feel that way. I’m talking about the collaborative information manager. Asana is a task management tool that was created by a Facebook co-creator and former Facebook engineer. I could gush even more about how wonderful this tool is for individuals and groups and how, like it’s slogan, “teamwork without email.” It’s so much more than that but I’m super stoked about it and it has been so wonderful in getting my life more organized. For personal or professional use it’s basically an interactive actionable to-do list with so much more capabilities. A client of mine started using it and as a result I was made to use it. It became another in a growing list of software that I’ve learned to use and I really like it. Oh, and it’s free. That’s always nice too. Continue reading

Grandma

Grandma

11/8/14

I remember like it was yesterday,
How safe she’d make me feel.
I was always loved and cared for,
The first grandchild on the scene.

I hold her in the forefront in my memory,
Always thinking of the past.
Hating life without her,
Not wanting it to last.

She was always kind and gentle,
Her door open to one and all.
She quietly held our lives together,
Never allowing us to fall.

In my mind she lives forever,
In my heart much longer still.
I think of her quite often,
As she lies on a Jamaica hill.

All my life I’d known my grandma,
She was there from the very start.
And now I keep her safely,
In the depths of my longing heart.

Oh, Grandma how I miss you,
My life is not the same.
I was blessed to have had you,
But your death is still a shame.

You live through those who are left behind,
Loved by young and old.
And I hope one day to be with you,
When my time comes to an end.

I love you, Grandma Peggy,
I keep you in my heart.
I wish I had more time with you,
And the pain of losing you to have never start.

Creative Commons License
Photo courtesy of LaToya Davidson-Perez

The Conscious Uncoupling of Life

I’m not sure why I always seem to drag my feet when it comes to writing. I’m always composing in my head but I always find that I’m so busy to carve out the little time needed to simply make a post. It’s been a challenging time. I’m still coming to grips with the passing of my grandmother. It still doesn’t feel real. Since her death I have spent an exorbitant amount of time thinking about my mortality. Just the other night I sat in bed and had a lively discussion with my husband about what happens after we die. Granted, this discussion was further fueled by having watched the movie, The Judge, starring Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall. I’d already been thinking dark thoughts, what happens in the movie, spoiler alert, made me give it even more consideration.

Is it wrong that when I got home I Googled how physics may explain the possibility of an afterlife. I expressed to my hubby that as much as I’d like to believe that there is something after we’ve died, that I just don’t think that our spirit and consciousness requires the living human body to survive. In a nutshell, I think that the energy that was contained within us simply dissipates and is released and absorbed by the environment. Yes, a dismal outlook but one that I’m actually more willing to accept than the one suggested by religion. My husband and I differ a bit in our belief and limited understanding of what happens after we die. He too doesn’t believe that there is an afterlife as described in the scriptures, but unlike me he’s more comfortable believing that something, rather than nothing, happens to us. Continue reading